I’m sure from the outside it’s like, “Yeah, she changed her name, cool.” but to be completely honest, this has been QUITE the journey and 1,000x more uncomfortable, difficult and awkward than I would’ve ever expected.
I assume by this point most of you, even those who don’t know me personally, know the basic reason behind my decision to officially change my name back to my middle name. If not, it initially came from a vision the Lord gave me during worship at the end of my time with YWAM. It seemed silly at the beginning but progressed as something I genuinely felt the Lord wanted me to do. I fought it for the sake of “not being a burden on other people”. LOL Don’t want to make American’s daily lives more difficult than they already are, right?
I’ve learned so much about humans through this (myself included). I’ve learned we don’t like to be inconvenienced by simple things like changing what we call someone. I’ve learned we care more about that inconvenience than we do the person, why they’ve done it and what it means to them. What I’ve learned most is a lot of people don’t respect other people (at least not more than they care about themselves). It has been one of the most eye-opening experiences I’ve been through in my life so far. Who knew.
I’ve also had those beautiful people in my life who are all about it. Who believe and understand me when I say that Jesus changed my core this last year and changing my name was a deep, symbolic, extremely significant sealing of that for me. They see that it wasn’t some basic millennial re-branding of my identity, or whatever people are thinking. I even appreciate my people who have had to gradually transition (I know it’s not the easiest thing to do) by inventing new in-between names, lol “Decca”. For those of you who have seen the significance, thank you.
In all honesty, I’ve found myself getting mad at people I love, or like, or already don’t really like. I don’t usually share sacred things the Lord is doing in my life, in the secret place. I value those things more than anything on this earth. So to have one of the biggest, most sacred things I’ve been through with the Lord have to be publicized (because how else can you change your name than to tell everyone you know), I hated. It had to involve other people.
It felt like I was letting everyone I know into my secret place with the Lord. And for them to be inconvenienced by it or not respect it has been unbelievably challenging.
The funniest part is that I don’t care what people think about it (hilarious to me that anyone thinks that much about it anyway instead of just rolling with it). What I’m defensive about and what makes me most angry is to see something I cherish so much laughed at or disrespected. I’m defensive for the Lord and what He’s done in me. For that to not be honored by the people I know has shaken me.
To be fair, I’m sure most people don’t know the real value all of it has for me and the genuine seriousness I hold all of it in. But even then, to form a negative opinion of what someone else has chosen to do, and not ever ask them why they really did it, baffles me. Worst part of the journey – I’m guilty of doing this too.
I figured some of you would be interested to know how it’s been after half of a year. I’m obviously still in the process. I’ve stopped apologizing. I’ve stopped telling Samuel “I’m just going to go back to Becca” (poor husband – he’s been so encouraging). I’ve stopped trying to defend myself entirely and just accept that this is how my God has marked this past year of my journey with Him, and there isn’t one thing I can think of that I hold in higher importance than that.
Most of all, I’ve learned a lot about people, and in turn myself. I do the same thing – forming an opinion of someone without knowing the reason behind a lot of the things they choose to do. So quickly, too.
With “small” things like someone you know changing their name at the age of 27, to major life choices, we judge! Constantly creating our views of other people, unrightfully so, before we know them and the motive behind those choices. I’m guilty of it too, and this experience has made me check myself more than ever.
Needless to say, the Lord continues to teach through the process! I also really love sharing the journey. If you’re ever interested in what He did in me this past year, I would love to share. 🙂